1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,205
ANNOUNCER: In space,
no one can hear you so...

2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,339
(all screaming)

3
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,076
ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999.

4
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,743
Premieres Wednesday, May 29
on FXX.

5
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:15,849
ANNOUNCER: FX presents
What We Do in the Shadows.

6
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,016
[bats squeal]

7
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,824
That's the... C-Come here.
That's the Baron.

8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,827
- Come on, Barry.
- Come on.

9
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,661
(laughing): We are so high.

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,064
We're on drugblood.

11
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,731
Put the hat on. Oh, yeah...

12
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,435
- Oh! Ugh, no.
- LASZLO: Shit.

13
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,604
- NADJA: I broke his half off.
- NANDOR: His bodies' half off.

14
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,539
LASZLO: No, no, no, he's just
coming through the floor.

15
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,008
Guillermo?

16
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,076
Help us! Don't just stand there.

17
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,246
I don't think that's Guillermo.

18
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,947
- Guillermo?
- LASZLO: No.

19
00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:49,682
N-No, Nandor,
that's the StairMaster.

20
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,451
The master of the stairs.

21
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,554
- We fucked up. This is bad.
- Where's Guiller...

22
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,423
(in distance): Guillermo!

23
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,426
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God. Oh, my God...

24
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,594
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)

25
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,063
* Don't sing if you want
to live long *

26
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,599
* They have no use
for your song *

27
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,236
* You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead *

28
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,603
* You're dead
and out of this world *

29
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,742
* Now your hope and compassion
is gone *

30
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:18,478
* You sold out your dream
to the world *

31
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,881
* Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead *

32
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,983
* You're dead
and out of this world. *

33
00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:25,186
*

34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,263
(bell tolling)

35
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:39,133
NANDOR: We are gathered here
tonight in our backyard

36
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:42,436
to commemorate
the second death of the Baron.

37
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,837
NADJA: We are having a ceremony

38
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,674
to commemorate
the Baron's passing.

39
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:47,740
Problem is, though,

40
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,409
we don't remember how he died,

41
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,644
because we were absolutely

42
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,846
messed up on drugblood.

43
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,948
And as a sign of respect,
we have decided to bury you

44
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,951
betwixt my two favorite vaginas:

45
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:02,656
That of my wife and my mother.

46
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,959
Baron, such a wonderful,
filthy times

47
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,328
we did have.

48
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,996
- (snickering)
- What a way

49
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:10,698
to live your life after death,

50
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,466
and what a way to die.

51
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,302
(bell tolling)

52
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:17,704
Did we murder him?

53
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,539
LASZLO: We, um, we might
have floated the idea

54
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,443
of murdering him,
but we didn't do it.

55
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,676
Did we?

56
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,913
NADJA: Oh, I think
something awful happened.

57
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,884
Fuck.

58
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,020
LASZLO: Maybe we should
keep this under our hats.

59
00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:34,987
If any vampires
find out about this,

60
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,689
then it... (quacks)

61
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,491
(bell tolling)

62
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,365
Give the Baron his last sip.

63
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,838
- Of course.
- (Nadja humming a tune)

64
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,569
(Nandor and Laszlo
humming along)

65
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,171
NADJA: So just get him in.

66
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,540
- Yep.
- Goodbye, Baron.

67
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,841
(raven squawks)

68
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,543
Master, there's a raven
looking at us.

69
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,246
(squawking)

70
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,381
It is a bad omen. It means that

71
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,483
bad luck is approaching.

72
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,484
- Hey, gang.
- (all groan)

73
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,151
What's up? Oh!

74
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,152
Oh, my God.

75
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,187
Did-did you guys kill him?

76
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,324
- No! No one murdered him. -No! What... He was just...
- We found him in there.

77
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,692
(laughs):
I'm just giving you guff.

78
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:14,662
And, uh, just so you know, I am
feeding on you guys right now.

79
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,430
NADJA:
You can be such a prick, Colin.

80
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,164
COLIN: I have heard that.

81
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,700
Shit. The Baron's familiar.

82
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,569
(ravens squawking)

83
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,771
There's more ravens.
They're giving me the shits.

84
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,240
NANDOR: Guillermo, shield
us from the ravens.

85
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,109
NADJA:
The sky is filled with them.

86
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,578
- No, let's just go inside.
- Let's go inside.

87
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,045
Fill the hole. Keep filling.

88
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,448
GUILLERMO: But the ravens...

89
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,615
NADJA: They're everywhere!

90
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,617
(whimpers)

91
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,086
There are ravens all over
the front lawn now, too.

92
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,923
They're trying to frighten us.
But it won't work.

93
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,525
- (thump) -ALL: Aah!
- NADJA: What is going on?

94
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,526
- GUILLERMO: Master. -ALL: Aah!
- LASZLO: Ay yai yai.

95
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,194
There's a floating woman
on the front porch.

96
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,497
She needs to talk to you.

97
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,371
You have been summoned...

98
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,771
(thunder claps)

99
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:02,042
to appear before
the Vampiric Council

100
00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:05,513
at the Temple
of Blood-Devourers.

101
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,282
Could you not have
just telephoned?

102
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,584
We sent ravens.

103
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,219
We sent 500 ravens!

104
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:15,222
Yes, but we have a telephone.

105
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:18,391
I'm shocked and appalled
that you didn't raven us back.

106
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,226
We didn't know how.

107
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,495
You just say,
"Raven, we will be there.

108
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,964
Thank you. Fly."

109
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:27,600
You've been invited.

110
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,136
(thunder claps)

111
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,303
(hissing)

112
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,343
Couldn't you
just have telephoned?

113
00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:43,317
NANDOR: The Vampiric Council is
a very ancient organization.

114
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,985
Very powerful. And, apparently,

115
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,855
very scary.

116
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:51,425
LASZLO: They travel from
all corners of the globe

117
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,526
to administer supreme
and final justice

118
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,663
upon any vampire

119
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,798
who's violated
the Vampiric Code.

120
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,533
Laszlo was very nearly summoned
when he turned a baby

121
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,269
into a vampire,
which is a big no-no.

122
00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:04,672
It's true.
You're not supposed to do that.

123
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,540
But, to be honest, I was bored.

124
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,610
I gave it to an acquaintance
in the Bronx,

125
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,843
where, I believe,

126
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,512
it remains to this day.

127
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,214
That baby would be about
90 years old now.

128
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:16,649
You really fucked up there.

129
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,218
I certainly did.

130
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,487
Maybe we should visit it.

131
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,254
I'd rather not.

132
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,956
Here it is.

133
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,694
NANDOR: Okay, so, obviously,
we are all on edge.

134
00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,862
This could be about anything,

135
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:32,466
so we must say nothing about
you-know-what. -Obviously.

136
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,167
LASZLO: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

137
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,202
NADJA: It is that woman.

138
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,007
LASZLO: I think she wants
us to come inside.

139
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,675
Hello again.

140
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,245
Follow me.

141
00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:48,215
So glad you could make it.

142
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,418
(clears throat)

143
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,288
- (elevator bell chimes)
- Oh.

144
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,091
Enter.

145
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,528
(whispers): How did she do that?

146
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,865
(Muzak playing)

147
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,365
- (elevator bell chimes)
- Oh.

148
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,002
And we're here.

149
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,072
And follow me.

150
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,440
How does she do that?

151
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,110
The Tribunal have gathered
in the Chamber of Judgment,

152
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,747
and there
you'll be put on trial.

153
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,348
NADJA:
Why does this hallway never end?

154
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,384
Well, it's just
a freaky-long hallway.

155
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,862
I thought the Council
was bigger than that.

156
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,898
- Maybe we can battle them.
- Shh!

157
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,031
GUIDE: Enter.

158
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,867
Not the human.

159
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,802
Vampire-only trial, Guillermo.

160
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,540
What will happen to me?

161
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,076
Oh, you'll see.

162
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,144
(laughs, coughs)

163
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,880
Sorry, I have a...

164
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,582
little blood bubble
in my throat.

165
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:56,817
(clears throat)

166
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,752
You'll see...

167
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,420
a room at the end of the hallway

168
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,288
for the familiars.

169
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:05,391
Ludwig will take you
to the familiar lounge.

170
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,560
Ludwig. Ludwig.

171
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,062
Ludwig!

172
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,598
I'll just do it. Follow me.

173
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:11,932
Watch your step.

174
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,134
I don't have to, I glide.

175
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,471
Good evening, Your Excellencies.

176
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,841
This is Vasillika the Defiler.

177
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,310
Hello.

178
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,312
And I am...

179
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,314
Garrett.

180
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:28,815
Garrett the...

181
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,317
The vampire.

182
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,350
Simple. Nice.

183
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,252
Hi, Garrett the vampire.

184
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,988
Now, what happened
with the Baron?

185
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,858
- He's dead.
- Oh...

186
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,661
Sorry, everyone. -It w...
We didn't make him dead.

187
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,995
LASZLO: No, it's true. It
was a misunderstanding.

188
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,699
Um, as a joke, we said,
"Why not kill the Baron?"

189
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,466
And if you were there
at the time,

190
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,869
- you, too, would have laughed.
- NANDOR: (chuckles) Yes.

191
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,471
Now we realize that it was
probably a stupid thing to say,

192
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,606
and we are truly sorry,

193
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,442
and we're taking this
very seriously.

194
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,810
And these are our serious faces.

195
00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,613
Serious, serious, serious.

196
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,750
GUIDE: Follow.

197
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,353
What are you doing?

198
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,622
I'm warming my face.
It's so cold in here.

199
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,490
Well, it's an LED light.

200
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,293
Oh. -There's no way
we could have fire.

201
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,262
The fire marshals
would have a fit.

202
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:20,968
I have to say

203
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,403
we are deeply moved

204
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,673
by your story,
and-and maybe it's just me,

205
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,074
but I don't think
you're guilty at all.

206
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,341
- Vasillika?
- Mm, no,

207
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,742
I don't think you sound guilty.

208
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:33,046
I-I think...
they might let you go.

209
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,048
Sorry, what do you mean
by "they"?

210
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,484
VASILLIKA: The Vampiric Council.

211
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,318
You're not the Vampiric Council?

212
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:41,087
- (laughs)
- Oh. (Laughing)

213
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,322
GARRETT (laughing):
No. No, we're...

214
00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:44,524
- we're prisoners here.
- No, we have

215
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,158
- been imprisoned in this boring room.
- Oh...

216
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,229
for... 1,000 years?

217
00:08:49,261 --> 00:08:52,099
- Oh, it's really awful.
- Since 1932.

218
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,734
Mm.

219
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,235
That's not 1,000 years.

220
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,572
What-what year is it?

221
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,307
It's 2019.

222
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,076
We have been here for 90 years.

223
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,745
- GARRETT: Oh, shit.
- What did you do?

224
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,914
Oh, me? Too much defiling.

225
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,082
They say I turned a baby
into a vampire

226
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,918
and left it in the Bronx.

227
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,388
Who would do such a thing?
If I ever find out who did it,

228
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,625
I will take a dagger
and stab them 5,000 times

229
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:22,129
with this hand,
switch hands, and stab them

230
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,230
another 5,000 times!

231
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,067
I can fill up this book

232
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,470
with the ways I would
torture that vampire.

233
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,040
Wouldn't want to be him.

234
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,009
- That poor baby.
- Poor, poor baby.

235
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:42,481
The Vampiric Council
will see you now.

236
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:45,552
- Doesn't have to be right now.
- I mean, right now...

237
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,621
Right now. I... They had a break,
but they're ready now. -They...

238
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,162
(door slams shut)

239
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,770
Hey. Are you a familiar, too?

240
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,806
Yes.

241
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,606
Welcome.

242
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,919
(bell tolling)

243
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:23,490
This is the chamber
where you will be tried.

244
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,658
You could hang...

245
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:29,129
Hang? - ...Here, until
the trial starts.

246
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,798
I think we're ready.

247
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,099
- No... -NANDOR: We are not ready.
- GUIDE: Yes. We are ready.

248
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,299
- NANDOR: No, we're not...
- What? What's going...

249
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:36,369
The spectacle
of judgment begins.

250
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,806
*

251
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,841
LASZLO: What the hell is this?

252
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,524
That's very elaborate.

253
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,027
GUIDE: Since this may
be your last night

254
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,995
of existence,
the Vampiric Council

255
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,365
likes to do something
a little bit special.

256
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,967
They rehearsed it for decades.

257
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,402
*

258
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,745
LASZLO: This is very odd.

259
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,780
*

260
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,528
- (music ends)
- (bell tolls)

261
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,568
- (bell tolling)
- What the blazes is this?

262
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,538
Dark greetings of the night

263
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,540
to all the members

264
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,879
of the Vampiric Council,
from all the continents,

265
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,548
gathered here together on...

266
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,584
- (whispers): Staten Island.
- On St...

267
00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:59,919
O-On Staten Island.

268
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,756
VIAGO: Welcome, vampires
from near and far,

269
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:07,559
to this here
grand Vampiric Council,

270
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:11,063
to judge over
these three accused.

271
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:14,433
Accused of what, you may ask.

272
00:12:14,466 --> 00:12:15,769
- Murder...
- Vampire murder.

273
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,804
- Vampire murder.
- Sor... vampire murder.

274
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,539
(hissing)

275
00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:23,409
VIAGO: So that's why we're here.

276
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,278
I'll now introduce
the leaders of the council,

277
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,581
starting here with Tilda.

278
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,216
Pretty much our leader.

279
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,450
She's the one who makes all
the big decisions. -Hello.

280
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,422
Welcome, Tilda.

281
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:39,392
I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten.

282
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,794
Scheden Heimburg.

283
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,629
This is Deacon Brucke.

284
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,099
- Hello.
- Vladislav the Poker.

285
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,801
We also have

286
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,269
Evan, the Immortal.

287
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,904
Princess of the Undead.

288
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,340
You don't have to say my whole
name. You can just say Evan,

289
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,975
it's fine. VIAGO: Or just Evan.

290
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,775
Who else do we have? Danny.

291
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:59,111
Hey, Danny. With his shirt off,
as usual.

292
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:02,081
Cool Mexican tattoos
all over his chest.

293
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,118
- Dark greetings, everyone.
- VIAGO: Welcome, Danny.

294
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,587
We also have Paul. -Dark greetings,
everyone. Dark greetings.

295
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:12,125
Great to be here.

296
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:15,995
Rob... Wh... Is Rob here? Is...
Couldn't make it.

297
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,597
We couldn't get Rob? -Uh, no,
I-I talked to Rob, he didn't...

298
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:21,201
didn't want to come.
Want to... leave it behind.

299
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,501
VIAGO:
That's fine. No, he didn't want

300
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:25,205
- to be here. Kiefer?
- I don't see Kiefer.

301
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,440
Kiefer said that he wanted
to do it, but he couldn't come.

302
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,542
- He was busy?
- Tom and Brad...

303
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,977
- VLADISLAV: Tom, not... No.
- VIAGO: Not interested.

304
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,312
- Tom and Bra... Well...
- VIAGO: Not into it.

305
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,813
They're not committed like us.

306
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,850
It's just an availability thing.

307
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,818
- Well, who is here?
- VIAGO: Calling in via Skype,

308
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:43,056
we have Wesley over there,
the day-walker.

309
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,456
- TILDA: Wesley! -VIAGO: Hey, Wesley.
- Is this working?

310
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,658
- VIAGO: Look at him then...
- Oh, God, not this fucking guy.

311
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,995
He is a vampire killer!

312
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,364
Hey, he is half vampire.

313
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500
His opinion still counts.

314
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,702
Yeah, well, I'm only listening
to half his opinion. -(Hisses)

315
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,738
- DANNY: Look at him in the sunlight.
- VLADISLAV: Showing off.

316
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,840
- Can you hear me?
- Wesley, can you hear us?

317
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,208
- Hey, can you hear me?
- VLADISLAV: There's a lag.

318
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,912
The Skype seems glitchy.

319
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,147
- Hello? -Push the mute button.
- TILDA: It looks like

320
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,381
a little microphone,
it's got a-got a ring around it.

321
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,549
- I'm pushing it.
- VIAGO: Can you hear us now?

322
00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:13,253
I can hear you. Dark greetings.

323
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:14,888
Okay. Great.

324
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,822
Moving on. As is vampire law,

325
00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:18,857
we also have
a local vampire here

326
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,028
on the council this evening,
Colin Robinson.

327
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,429
Hello.

328
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,032
What the fuck
are you doing here?

329
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,732
Okay, now...

330
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,835
So why are we gathered
on "Statee" Island?

331
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,038
Because one of our brothers
has passed from this world.

332
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:35,575
Baron Afanas,
also known as The Undying One.

333
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:38,845
Well, he died.
That's why we're here.

334
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,047
Call the witness.

335
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,048
First witness.

336
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,850
- Oh, good grief.
- Oh, shit.

337
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,952
Where the hell
did she come from?

338
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,956
This is Baron Afanas' familiar.

339
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,857
Witness number one, speak.

340
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,860
(whispers):
It's okay. She doesn't speak.

341
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,865
On the eve of the death
of my master...

342
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,067
(whispers):
Well, she's speaking now.

343
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,534
These three vampires

344
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,638
- took Baron Afanas...
- (whispers): She's speaking.

345
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:09,942
And they let him partake
of human food.

346
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,878
(vampires groaning, hissing)

347
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,947
We cannot eat human food.
It's gross.

348
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,316
DANNY:
The fuck is wrong with you guys?

349
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,583
BARON'S FAMILIAR: Earlier,

350
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:21,254
I overheard them
plotting to murder him.

351
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,956
(vampires gasping, hissing)

352
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,791
She speaks the bullshit.

353
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,126
We simply floated the idea.

354
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,927
You floated the idea
of murdering him?

355
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:32,065
- LASZLO: Yes.
- Not floated, you plotted.

356
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,734
- Floating and plotting are very similar.
- WESLEY: Wait,

357
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,669
- The Baron is dead?
- VIAGO: Oh, my God, Wesley,

358
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,438
we're past that now. -Wesley,
catch up, we're past that.

359
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,841
- Remove the witness. -VIAGO: Yeah.
- Thanks a lot.

360
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,411
Bye, bitch. -WESLEY: Human food?
Like-like-like

361
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,578
- hamburger or some-something like that?
- VIAGO: Wesley.

362
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,181
We're over the human food thing.
Shut up.

363
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,915
We're not talking
about that, Wesley.

364
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,350
You need better Wi-Fi.

365
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,986
Move the computer
next to your router, homes.

366
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,822
Hey, hey, hey.
It's not my Wi-Fi.

367
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,191
I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay?

368
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,860
I heard about one familiar
who was made into a vampire,

369
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,630
and now he has a big castle
and he is really successful...

370
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:08,168
My master says I'm gonna be
a vampire in a few days.

371
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,602
It's only been seven decades.

372
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,005
So, have any of you

373
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:16,743
met a familiar
who's become a vampire?

374
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:19,946
Not personally,

375
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,381
never met one.

376
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:26,719
Well, I'll be a vampire soon,
and then you'll know a vampire.

377
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,056
And then you can
become my familiar.

378
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,691
Did anyone really like
The Baron, anyway?

379
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,360
- Well, I... no, I didn't like him. He was creepy.
- I mean, I didn't...

380
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,996
He was loco. -I thought he was
pretty rude and a backstabber.

381
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,067
- He was a bit of an asshole.
- Loco.

382
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,533
He was a psychotic madman.

383
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,869
Aren't we all, though?
A little bit?

384
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,071
DEACON: He was a whackjob,

385
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,706
he was crazy,
but rules are rules.

386
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,740
- VIAGO: Now what?
- Bring in the other witness.

387
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,842
- VIAGO: Now let us call the next witness.
- LASZLO: What other witness?

388
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,513
PAUL: Another witness. -VIAGO:
Witness number whatever-it-is.

389
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,248
- LASZLO: Oh, my life.
- Guillermo.

390
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,716
VIAGO: Who's this
delicious-looking thing?

391
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,684
What is this?
Is this-is this lunch?

392
00:16:58,717 --> 00:16:59,918
- NADJA: Yes, it's lunch.
- No, it's not lunch.

393
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,087
It's lunch.

394
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,855
GUIDE: This is one of
their familiars, council.

395
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:04,990
He bears witness.

396
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,193
Did these vampires three

397
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,761
murder The Baron?

398
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,064
No, they did not.

399
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,266
Did they "float" it?

400
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,001
They discussed it,
but they-they were just talking.

401
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,670
They weren't going
to really do it.

402
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,539
VLADISLAV:
So who murdered The Baron?

403
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,308
Um...

404
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,316
They... It was I.
I-I killed him.

405
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,519
- You did it?
- Yes.

406
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,720
(stifled laugh)

407
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,255
It was I. I did it.

408
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,390
Okay. Unlikely.

409
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,292
Don't take offense,
but you don't seem like someone

410
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,528
who would be capable
of killing a vampire.

411
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,263
- But I did it.
- Uh, hard to believe.

412
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,065
Well, I did. -From maybe
a tougher-looking guy,

413
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:49,102
- I'd believe it, but...
- TILDA: I think you're lying

414
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,702
- to protect your master.
- VIAGO: Of course he is.

415
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,739
This little guy
couldn't kill a vampire.

416
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,941
No, it was, it was me. I opened
the door and it was dawn

417
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,375
and then the sun came in and...

418
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,310
(stammers) and then it happened.

419
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,712
That sounds very made-up.

420
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,048
VIAGO:
I mean, I don't know, guys.

421
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,950
None of us really liked
The Baron,

422
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:06,385
so maybe we just kill
this cute little guy

423
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,421
and then let the other three go.

424
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,588
Send his soul to hell.

425
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,391
Does anyone else
feel like having

426
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,493
- a cheeky little snack?
- Sneaky snack?

427
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,496
(vampires hissing) -VLADISLAV:
What do you think, Wesley?

428
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:19,499
Who is this motherfucker now?
This glasses motherfucker?

429
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,767
PAUL: It's lunch, Wesley.

430
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,236
- Lunch.
- Oh, yeah. -No!

431
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,770
NANDOR: I cannot abide by this.

432
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,972
- (exhales): Oh.
- Get to the point.

433
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,576
- Have you got a point to make?
- Listen to me.

434
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,912
We're all listening. -You got...
Everyone's listening.

435
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:34,346
Everyone's like... -Everyone has
stopped what they were doing,

436
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,847
we were all about to chomp down
on this guy,

437
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,451
and then you said,
"Oh, I'm gonna say something."

438
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,452
- Speak.
- It was we...

439
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,922
- NADJA: No.
- Who killed The Baron.

440
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,523
We thought that!
That's what we thought.

441
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,792
- We-we...
- We were all discussing that.

442
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:47,859
TILDA: You have committed

443
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,096
premeditated vampicide.

444
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,031
Pass the judgment, Tilda.

445
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,933
TILDA: I pronounce these three

446
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,769
guilty.

447
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,172
Raise your fangs, all who agree.

448
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,374
(vampires hissing)

449
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,212
(cries)

450
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,013
The punishment is

451
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,148
they will be killed
in the same manner

452
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,550
that their victim was:

453
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,119
Exposed to sunlight.

454
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,689
- Ooh!
- VIAGO: Ow, Chihuahuas.

455
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,789
(snarls)

456
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,526
Man, that's fucking rough.

457
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,961
You gonna help us,
Colin Robinson?

458
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:23,563
Fuck can I do?

459
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,798
GUIDE: Follow me to your doom.

460
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,200
Don't worry.

461
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:30,569
I've coordinated
a secret escape plan.

462
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,373
Bat!

463
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,208
NADJA: Laszlo, you fucking asshole!
How could...

464
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,243
- How could...
- Ludwig, get him.

465
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,279
Dan, get her.

466
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,983
Watch the hands, Mr. Hands!

467
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,653
Fucking hell!

468
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,089
Release my blade.

469
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,058
- Ooh.
- Is it welded on there, or...?

470
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,027
Well, it's for
decoration, really.

471
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:58,163
- Thank you, Ludwig, very good.
- Fuck me.

472
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,999
What is that? Uh... Hey!

473
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,201
He's a vampire, he couldn't get
an ax off a wall.

474
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,769
Well, you should see it.

475
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,005
It's, like, welded on there
or something.

476
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,074
(sighs)

477
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,875
We have to find a way
out of here.

478
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,510
This is the thing
where we wa... Okay,

479
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,713
I broke this, turned right, and
then we turned left to the...

480
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,615
- (roars)
- (screams)

481
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:17,784
- Stay back!
- (screams)

482
00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,453
Oh...

483
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,755
(groaning)

484
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,757
(quietly): It was an accident.

485
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,026
It was an accident.
It was an accident.

486
00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:28,494
It was an accident!

487
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,467
So, they're being sent
into a well, and, uh,

488
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,702
the sun's going
to slowly come up,

489
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,105
- and then they'll burn to death.
- It's a very horrible way to die.

490
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:42,775
- Very dramatic way to die.
- (chuckles): Yes.

491
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,311
*

492
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,646
(birds chirping)

493
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,249
(Laszlo, Nandor, and Nadja
screaming)

494
00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:58,625
That's so macabre.

495
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,460
They could have
at least cleared them up

496
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:02,929
before putting us in here.

497
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:04,963
(yelping, panting)

498
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,267
(screaming)

499
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,604
(hissing)

500
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,605
I wish I had made more
of my leadership skills.

501
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,607
I could have ruled
many more countries

502
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:19,311
instead of dying in a well
with two perverts. -(Mouths)

503
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,580
I was Jack the Ripper.

504
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,016
I've never told
anyone that before.

505
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:25,852
And I wish I'd made love more.

506
00:21:25,884 --> 00:21:28,287
Well, you did that a lot. A lot.

507
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,957
- I suppose I did.
- Yeah, a-a lot.

508
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,425
I miss my horse John.

509
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,163
I wish I was better to him.
And to you both.

510
00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:40,165
That's very kind of you, Nandor,
to say that, and, um,

511
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:44,002
I know we haven't got on
over the years, but, uh...

512
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,972
Nope, that's it.

513
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,509
I hate to say it,
but I think it's gonna hurt.

514
00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:52,378
- (crying): Oh, no!
- Fucking Colin Robinson.

515
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:55,114
- Oh, shit.
- No! No!

516
00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:57,983
- Save me! Oh, Gregor, I love you!
- No! No!

517
00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,452
Gregor!

518
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,855
- Oh, my love, my love...
- (screams) I'm burning!

519
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,856
(Nadja screaming)

520
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,492
(gasping, panting)

521
00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:08,994
- I-It is an eclipse.
- What is that?

522
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:11,130
Hey, dudes. It's me,
Colin Robinson, your roommate.

523
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,566
- (groans) -(whispers): Colin Robinson?
- COLIN: Yeah,

524
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,667
Guillermo's here, too. He was
running around, peeing himself.

525
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:17,303
I didn't pee myself, Master.

526
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,137
- He was freaked out.
- No, I wasn't.

527
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:21,807
So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking
by this hardware store

528
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,576
and I says to myself,
"Colin, you should go in

529
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:26,913
and, uh, see if they have
any umbrellas for the well."

530
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,749
Made sure to keep the receipt,
I'm gonna probably take it back.

531
00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:31,417
You can do that
on non-food items.

532
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:34,052
- Is he zapping our energy?
- He's taking advantage of us.

533
00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:36,188
- Don't do that.
- Shut up.

534
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,023
Do you not want me to stay?
I can... I'll go.

535
00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:40,426
- No, no, no, no, no! No!
- No, don't do that! No!

536
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,260
(chuckles)
Just giving you guys guff.

537
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,029
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.

538
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,398
You guys awake?

539
00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:49,836
- (bats screeching)
- Hello?

540
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,104
(chuckles): Oh, no,
a roller coaster for vampires.

541
00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:54,205
(laughs)

542
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,676
- Oh, no, oh, no! Roller coaster again.
- Stop it, Colin Robinson.

543
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,179
And sorry about the camera crew
at the bottom of the well.

544
00:23:00,211 --> 00:23:02,548
You're gonna want to get them
out sooner than later.

545
00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:04,316
They're in-they're in
grave danger.

546
00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:09,055
- You had a heck of a day, too, huh?
- Yeah.

547
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:12,124
- How long have you been with us?
- Ten years.

548
00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:14,560
I guess that's
the whole deal, right?

549
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:16,194
That, you know,
you work for him,

550
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:19,832
and he eventually turns you
into a, uh, a vampire?

551
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:23,470
Yeah.

552
00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:25,471
That's the deal.

553
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,106
* Can't trust his kind today *

554
00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:35,247
* Love has died
and death is here to stay... *

555
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:37,584
(birds chirping)

556
00:23:39,317 --> 00:23:42,288
* Guess our plan can fade away *

557
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,291
* On a cloud so far away *

558
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:50,261
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

559
00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:57,336
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

560
00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:03,308
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

561
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:10,281
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *

562
00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:16,188
* Time will come
when death will pave the way. *

563
00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:25,196
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

564
00:24:27,298 --> 00:24:31,136
(eerie chanting)

565
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,874
(high-pitched screaming)

566
00:24:34,906 --> 00:24:37,544
(chanting continues)

567
00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:43,281
(singing in foreign language)

568
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:46,384
(woman warbling)

569
00:24:46,417 --> 00:24:48,386
(hissing)

570
00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,355
(flames roaring)

571
00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:50,856
- Oh!
- Aaah!

572
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,625
ANNOUNCER:
What We Do in the Shadows.

573
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:56,494
All new
Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.

574
00:24:58,329 --> 00:25:00,231
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.

575
00:25:00,266 --> 00:25:02,969
- He's a wonderful teacher.
- Boom-chicka-boom.

576
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,570
Well, you have
taught him plenty.

577
00:25:04,604 --> 00:25:06,739
When do I find out
if I got the part or not?

578
00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:08,708
You got the part
when you walked in the door.

579
00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,209
ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon.

580
00:25:10,241 --> 00:25:13,045
All new, Tuesday at 10:00,
only on FX.

581
00:25:15,446 --> 00:25:16,715
(grunts)

582
00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:19,852
This is just... This is...

583
00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:22,555
(grunts) Seriously?

584
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:23,588
Whoo.

585
00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:28,527
Who's the lucky guy?

586
00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:31,163
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.

587
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:33,031
All new
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.

588
00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:39,171
(shrieks) Rocket pack!

589
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,539
You know how much fuel
you just wasted?

590
00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:45,443
Oh, no. How much paint did Michelangelo
waste on the Sistine Chapel?

591
00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,445
ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999.

592
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:50,316
Premieres Wednesday, May 29
on FXX.

593
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:52,719
(record static)

594
00:25:52,751 --> 00:25:56,221
(hip-hop beat)

595
00:26:00,491 --> 00:26:02,394
(rapid drumming)

596
00:26:02,428 --> 00:26:06,065
(beat resumes)